Wednesday, 19 May 2010


I hate ambiguity. I hate people who are ambiguous, cryptic, mysterious, about their feelings and thoughts. I hate it when people say things about someone, without naming that someone. It is as if they are delegating the arduous task of figuring out what they mean to others to decipher, when a single word uttered from them about who they are talking about would save everyone a lot of misunderstanding and grief. It is as though their feelings are open to interpretation, although half the time these interpretations are wrong and misunderstood.
But then again, I am ambiguous myself. Since there is always an alluring quality to ambiguity, to be able to say something and have it mean a lot of things, or nothing at all. To allow the meaning of your words to change as with everything else. To be able to vent your frustrations about someone without inadvertently confronting them or hurting their feelings. To speak your thoughts on a subject without being forced to draw a conclusion that makes it final. To weigh both sides of an argument without making a stand. In other words, to stay in the gray area and not be in the black or white. 

Am I a hypocrite then, to say that I hate ambiguous people and yet am ambiguous on many things myself? To say that I hate people who don’t give provide a name to who their talking to, when I don’t do that either?
But what if I said that I hated being ambiguous as well. I hate ambiguous people, myself included. Would it still be hypocrisy if I hated my actions as much as everyone else’s? That this was a part of my life that I wish I could let go? That I could speak openly to anybody about any subject, without any reservations or without the attractiveness of keeping my opinions to myself. Because we're all taught to be polite and respectful and kind. And somehow this all leads to us hiding from the truth when it needs to be spoken. Not really speaking lies, but not exactly telling the truth either.
This is such an ambiguous post. Hahahaha. The Colorado Kid by Stephen King is a book that left me stunned after reading it, maybe because it's related to this. And it's short so you can read it in a day like I did. =)

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