Saturday, 23 January 2010

23 Days.

So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

It's been 23 days since the start of the year, and it's been the worst start of the year that I could ever wish for. It's like every aspect of my life fell apart so gradually and I didn't realise it until the start of the year. And I guess now I'm stuck here trying to pick up the pieces and make sense of life again. And I wish that I didn't feel this way, but I do and I don't know what to do about it. I've always had a rough idea of what to do in the past, but lately it's been a complete blank and I don't know if that's good or bad. Lately I've been questioning myself about the motivations behind the things I do, and I don't think I know all the answers yet.

The crazy thing is I don't even think I should be blogging this out since anyone reading this would be affected in a sense or start asking me questions about what's wrong or telling me to cheer up and I don't want that. It's so much easier to pretend nothing's wrong and save everyone the trouble, especially if words of encouragement become superficial objects we throw at each other. And it's not that I'm not appreciative of friends, because I am, and I am thankful to you guys for just knowing. Not about anything specific, but just knowing. And all this sounds depressing, but I am okay. Or at least, I will be. I need to fall in love with God again.

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