Planetshakers-Here I Am

Chords


Of all the songs to put, I chose this. Maybe it's nostalgic in a sense, significant to me.

Why? The first time I ever heard this song was almost exactly one year ago. Guan You played it for worship, and well, it impacted me deeply cause it was one of the worst moments in Church and Cell. I told myself I would change, no longer backslide, and yea, I know I was wrong.

Cause I've realised, almost nothing about me has changed. I'm still almost the same spiritually. I haven't really grown at all. This whole year was just me backsliding repeatedly, and though I have changed in some ways, the truth is I'm still pretty much the same kind of person I was one year ago.

In one year I've learned how to play that song on the guitar, I've learned that people changed, I've been back stabbed by friends, I've confronted people, and still, it's all superficial, I still don't know whether I did the right thing. I'm still the same, no matter how much I've learned, how much I've changed, I still backslide, I still screw up.

Went to Geylang for supper after cell today, however unusual it was, it was ironically one of the places I grew up in. Saw my old Nursery at Geylang Methodist, although it's now a carpark. =D And ironically, the last time I went there for supper was also one year ago, just after I went to FOP Hillsong and Delirious at the indoor stadium. I remember feeling exhilarated then, and walking all the way from the indoor stadium to the mrt just to miss the last train, then my father coming to fetch me and the two of us going for supper.

I guess this year was probably the worst year of my life so far. I would give anything to go back and change everything. I would at least try to stop backsliding, I would correct mistakes I made, I would definitely not be one week late.

It's just so hard to live with that fact.

I don't want to be the one having to correct myself, I don't want to be the one always doing the right thing. I never asked for any of this, yet I'm hated by the very person I thought was my friend cause I was doing the right thing? And yet I'm the evil person for not forgiving. How can I bring myself to forgive someone and "do the right thing" when he hated me for doing the right thing in the first place?

Maybe I was wrong all along. Maybe I have always been deluding myself. Maybe I'm wrong, and lying/saying vulgarities/backstabbing is the right thing to do. In the process of trying to do the right thing, I realise I might have done the exact opposite.

I wish I could be told what to do, I wish someone would just tell me what I'm supposed to do step by step so I can just follow and not have to think about anything. I want to just numb everything and not care about anything anymore. I can just worry about myself from now on.

I want to stop backsliding, I want to start all over again, just like last year, except now I've gone through fights, quarrels, I know I might have been too harsh, I'm sorry. I still don't know why, but I'm learning to live with it.
Here I Am Send Me.

Horrible...

Blarh, couldn't access blogger, gmail, google reader, and any other google-related services besides google.com the past few days.

Tried checking through hosts file, reg keys, proxy settings, firewall settings, even tried using ubuntu linux. Yet nothing worked.

Then everything magically started working today without me doing anything. -.-

Anyways, last Friday was sec1 registration. Went to do marshalling duty, standing there watching cars drive past. Erh, Marcus from Church going my school too? Haha, can't believe he's sec1 already...like super fast la...

Stood there for around 2hrs+? Then the rest of the time was spent in the classroom talking. Haha, BATMAN.

Went for lunch at kopitiam opposite, then went back for games day.

Games day was quite ok la...most of the time was spent discussing the campcraft competition that was cancelled due to the rain. Blee, water fight was the best, although Eugene Tan wasn't wet at all la...

My shoes were soaked with water by the end... =(

Dismissed at around 6? Asked my sis to help me get my sandals and meet me at mrt, cause my legs were super cold. Went to Sengkang to collect Spectacles after that. Haha, wasn't used to the new specs, so I walked around dizzily and got a horrible headache.

Took 156 down to j8, ate mac for dinner. Bleeee, saw Debrah, Rui Jiun, Lydia, Fionella and a bunch of unrecognizable girls walking in front of me. =/

The Drama was nice. Haha, Fabian and Jeremy's part was the funniest. Something like:"You should try to feel better" "Yar, you should try to feel better".

Haha, but the drama itself was nice, ended at around 10?

Reached home, started to wash my shoes cause they were soaked and muddy. Blee, slept at around 1am.

Woke up at 6, thankfully my father sent me to school. =D If not I'd have to rush.

Unit hike was quite ok. Didn't seem as tiring as last year's. Maybe cause I'm accustomed to walking home from school. =P

Left from Changi Jetty, walked to the bus terminal. Wanted to get to Airport but there wasn't any buses. Bleah, took 109 to Serangoon instead. Called parent's to find out their kettling duty was over. So no chance to meet the star wars characters. =/

Went home from Serangoon thinking I'd be home much faster if I followed everyone back to school. =\

Went home and slept almost immediately after bathing. Woke up at 9pm, ate dinner, and went back to sleep almost immediately after that.

Woke up on Christmas Eve with horrible muscle cramps and sores. HORRIBLE. I couldn't move around for 15mins. Forced myself out of bed cause it's Christmas Eve. Dragged myself to Church. But there was no sermon at all, just bible readings and songs. =) So I didn't have to force myself to stay awake or anything.

Went to Orchard at night, haha, super crowded. Walked around Orchard before gng home at around 11? Forced myself to stay awake again, =) Opened presents, went to sleep at around 1.

Gosh, woke up early on Christmas Morning again, went to Church for Christmas service. This time got sermon, but I was wide awake. =D

Blee, I think the rest of my day was spent aimlessly wandering around. So no point blogging. =)

Switched to Ubuntu Linux yesterday. So now I'm a Linux Noob. Blee, it was quite easy to install really, compared to the last time I tried to install Simply Mepis, all you need is a fast computer to download that 698.4 megabytes of data from the NUS mirror, an image drive burner like Nero, a few spare blank discs, and configuring your bios abit.

End result is something like a Mac, with no need for firewalls, anti-viruses, or anti-spyware/adware programs cause they are just killed with the default firewall. =D Still need lots of work before I can install to hard drive though...like I need 10gigs of space minimum...sighs. Horrible.

Look at that Wenjie Floor!!

Tuesday: Went out with ex-classmates again. Leon, Wen jie, Boon Kiat, Liang Yu, Jia Ling, Lynn, Shu Xian and Sharlene. Gosh, Boon Kiat grow super tall liao lur. Went to Vivo, again. Watched a movie, again. They planned to go Sentosa but last minute changed cause of the rain. =/

Hah, me and Wen jie started this weird thing about synonyms. Wenjie=Synonymous with Shiny. Minghui=Synonymous with hot and/or sexy. =P Then we went around saying:"Look at that Wenjie floor!!" "Wow, that girl is so Minghui!" Blee

Went Carl's Junior for lunch. Blee, like, didn't we go carl's junior the last time? Bleah. Me, Leon and Wen jie were joking about Boon Kiat cause he bought the largest burger.

Gah, saw Fionella at Gv Vivo, =S

Watched Eragon, Gosh, it's like based off lord of the rings la, and only one guy died, and the fighting was super biased cause the dragon just one breath can kill the army, and the fire from the dragon is gaseous and not chemical so the soldiers wouldn't be burning unless their armour was flammable.

Haha, I'm a horrible movie critic.

Left Leon to ton with the girls. =D

Yesterday: Went Kettling at Compass. I think I've done around 7 hours of kettling already. Blee. Saw Camilla there, but she didn't see me. =P. Went to buy a new pair of spectacles. There was this offer on like, $120 for 2 pairs? So I brought a half frame and a full framed one. =) Was tempted to buy the orange one, or the pink one. Hee, and my shortsightedness improved but my austisy-thingy deproved.

Today: At temasek poly trying to make waves. The ocean kind.

Tomorrow: Sec 1 Registration, Marshalling duty, Npcc Games Day, Youth Drama.

Saturday: Unit Hike at Pulau Ubin, Kettling at Raffles City.

Sunday: Christmas Eve. Bleah.

Not Going Youth Camp...

Erh...my parents thought it'd be better if I didn't go if not I'd be super stressed and tired.

Maybe it's a good thing. Cause I can't imagine dragging myself to pack my bag again and waking up early tomorrow.

Anyways, Chalet was FUN. 4 days 3 nights was just fun fun fun fun and fun.

1st day started with me going to pasir ris to find out my family weren't there yet. So I went home. Blee. Went to the chalet at around 9pm. So there wasn't much to do except sleep. =D

Chalet was at Aloha Loyang. Erh, quite close to downtown east, 4 seperate rooms with queen sized beds and toilets. Kitchen, dining room, living room. Tried to go to sleep on the floor, but I wasn't that used to it yet so I couldn't really sleep. I don't remember the poncho's and classroom from Nco camp to be as uncomfortable la...

Tried to go to sleep for about 3hours, slept for about 2hours, "woke up" at 6 in the morning. =D Watched my uncle sort out his assortment of fishing hooks next to the bbq pit and watched the sun rise. Went swimming with cousins at around 9, went back for lunch, and because bbq was starting at 5 we lazed around playing card games.

Haha, we started a barbecue without a single fire starter...heated charcoals on the kitchen stove till they were burning hot, then brought them to the bbq pit and fanned like crazy.

Stayed up till around 12.30 eating, playing with card games, attempting to melt marshmallows, all sorts of horribly weird stuff.

Woke up at 9....went swimming again...Heh, went escape at around 11.

Gosh, the haunted house is not even scary la!!! Not fun at all. I walked though and almost fell asleep queuing up lor...but I have to say, I wouldn't mind working there, all that girl had to do was dress up and laugh horribly.

Spent 1hr+ queuing up for the go karts. Weee go karts are super fun. Like, the closest you can get to driving short of buying a car. Maybe one day I shall go buy a go kart and race around the car park.

Haha, walked back to chalet for lunch after that, lazed around until 5....went out to escape again.
Hahas, we were at the revolution thing...

Escape Staff:"Are you Ready?!?"
Me:"NOOOO!!"
Escape Staff:"Huh? You want to get off anot?"
Me:"Er...nvm la..."

HAHAHAHA. That's why you should never go to the theme park with me. =D

Went to the Viking after that, me and wen jie competed to see who could stare at each other without moving or blinking on the ship. =P He started laughing before the ship even moved lur...

Queued again for go karts, Heh. Waited for another 45mins just to enjoy 10mins of fun. Went on the last ride of the revolution, walked back to chalet, ate dinner.

Haha, we were bored so we decided to play with fire, then my sis was roasting a marshmallow when it caught fire. XD the end result was an oreo-like substance comprising of half-burnt marshmallows and charcoal bits and leaves and small branches.

Slept at around 3am, woke up at 9, packed bag, went home...

Blee, post pics next time...

New Blogskin.

It's not close to what I'd like it to be, but I'm too lazy to go change it. Have to go figure out how to do a coconut anyways, and I'd be away from a computer in the coming week.

I still can't seem to model a coconut after 5+tries....

New Version Of Blogger.

To change or not to change?

Meh, I'll probably change it when I'm done with the blogskin. Too lazy to do it right now. =P

Woke up at 8 yesterday. Zzzz. Dragged myself to Hougang to wait for Bibi and Alvin. Alvin arrived 10mins late and Bibi arrived 30mins late. =/

Took the bus down to temasek poly and arrived late again. =\ Saw Chee Hock at Tampines interchange, he passed us like...100+ calenders? Haha, modelled and composed everything at tp, played around with those flyers Chee Hock gave us, left at 4.30.

Wanted to go lan with Alvin and Hui Joo la...but they got to be home by 6. =/ Took a super long train ride down to City Hall to change to North South line and went towards Bishan.

Erh, super bored lor...sis was meeting me in 1/2 hour, Bryan wanted to go Church straight... So I went Library. Haha, borrowed this supposedly slim 279 page book on world war 2. Then I realised the words were super small. And lots of descriptive stuff thrown in every paragraph. Combine with impossibly chim words that I can't understand. But the book was nice anyways.

Ate dinner with sis, walked to Church, arrived 1/2 hour early=Time to read the book. =D
But then Jolene sat behind me and looked over my shoulder asking me to explain this word and that. The book had words like 'ideograms' and 'cowling'? Heh, Matthew also couldn't tell what ideograms was.

Guan You took out the guitar for cell. Weee I finally know how to play Still by Hillsong. Haha, watched Guan You trying to play the guitar and sing at the same time with Ben muting all the strings. Gah, I suddenly remembered during cell that I agreed to go Tp next Thursday, then I realised the chalet starts next Thursday. AAAAA I'll have to miss an entire day of fun!!! Nooooooo, at least the chalet's at Pasir Ris so I won't have to walk that far.

Haha, I finally decided I should go for the Youth Camp. Meaning 14th to 17th will be chalet with family, 18th-21st will be youth camp, 22nd will be Npcc and Drama, and 23rd will be Unit Hike at Pulau Ubin.

=D

Poor Kid.

=D