18 Years Old.

I turn 18 tomorrow and I cannot decide if it's a good thing or not. My conclusion thus far is that it is neither a good thing or a bad thing, but it's just a thing? Haha growing up is an inevitable part of life, I wonder why it's a significant thing. Okay I don't really know how to feel during birthdays, like it's a happy thing, but it's also a sad thing because it's in a sense commemorating your mortality? In a crude sense, you're one year older and one year closer to dying. But it's also a celebration that you were born in the first place, that you are alive and well and that you are conscious of your own self and individuality and uniqueness and all that.

I think I've never seen the allure or fascination in growing up. Like, most people are fixated on growing up and being able to do stuff that they can't do now, but I'm more concerned with the things that I can't do when I grow up? I'd rather stay young and carefree and do whatever I like without serious regard to consequences hahaha. Admittedly, being older brings with it a certain level of knowledge and understanding, but I think I miss the days when a boxful of lego would make me happy. And growing up is never drastic, momentous affair, but happens so gradually that you only notice it on certain occasions like graduating from school, or your birthday? I think a boxful of lego would need to be a huge box now before I would be content. :P Even then I think I'm past the stage where I can be content with a box of lego for hours and hours.

So yes it's the last day being 17. Tomorrow I can drink and smoke and learn to drive and watch M18 movies and pay the adult price for the swimming pool and sign consent forms by myself. I don't think I will be doing most, or any, of those things tomorrow though. I don't want to pay the adult price for the swimming pool. :(